Lord of the Dance

My heart goes out to my poor mate, Phil - the following article appeared today in Unc's propaganda sheet 'The Homeward Gazette'.

Comedian, broadcaster, writer and actor, Phil Jupitus has recently taken on the role of Edna Turnblad in the hit musical Hairspray at London's Shaftesbury Theatre.

Unfortunately he is having some difficulty in learning some of the crucial dance routines and has requested extra dance tuition.

Who could the management turn to for assistance?

Why none other, of course, than our very own great benefactor, Uncle!

For, the Shaftesbury Theatre is partly owned by Uncle - being one of the founder members of the Theatre of Comedy Company, a collective started by the famous playwright Ray Cooney, in conjunction with some 30 other leading actors, writers and directors.

Uncle is more famous for dramatic works rather than for comedy, indeed his plays have even be compared to the great works of the Bard of Bramley, Ernest Wiseman.

However, he collaborated on a number of farces with Mister Cooney, providing the structural complication that set them apart from other bawdy comedies. Most famous was there West End hit 'A Spot of Beaver' in which a left-wing militant is forced to hide underground in a Brighton Hotel.

Uncle's dance skills are not so well-known, but are so evident in the annual Xmas entertainments that he hosts. As Fred Astaire once said,"You know, that Uncle, he`s just terrific. That`s all there is to it. I adore this elephant. I really am crazy about his work."

We asked Uncle how he had found time in his busy schedule to tutor Mister Jupitus?

"Well, I have just got back from the G20 summit and I had planned a short break - but I am always willing to drop everything for a fellow thespian in trouble" was his selfless answer.

Had he any concerns that he might become a figure of ridicule dressed as a woman?

"No, I felt I had to wear the costume in order to show Mister Jupitus how to move in it, but I have no fear that an elephant of my reputation would look silly - in fact many have commented on what a sophisticated figure I cut!" he replied, with not a hint of gratification in his tone.

He refused to be drawn on the rumour, however, that he had been asked initially to replace Arlene Phillips on "Strictly Come Dancing' rather than Alesha Dixon.

"I am above all a gentleelephant, it would be wrong of me to comment on the subject, suffice to say that I am in great demand and could not give up every Saturday to the task."

Pompous Pachyderm!