Sunday, January 31, 2010

Banned from Cheapman's!

Cheapman has caused a furore, here at Badfort, by banning shoppers in sackcloth nightdresses, saying it could 'cause offence or embarassment to other customers'.

This act has clearly been instigated by the tyrant Unc as another part of his vindictive campaign against the Badfort Crowd.

Beaver Hateman slammed the confused messages sent out by accusing Cheapman's Store of exercising double standards.

'Why is it OK for posh Unc, to go shopping in his purple dressing gown, but not for normal people like us?'

Cheapman defended the decision by saying "We do not have a strict dress code - but Unc, er, I mean, many of our prominent customers have complained at how unsightly and rough the attire of some shoppers is."

"I quite agree with Cheapman's decision - the dress sense of some of his shoppers is slovenly and rude!" declared Unc.

Hateman branded Cheapman "Snobbish. This is just pathetic and shows how stuck up some people and elephants can be."

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Uncle regularly whipped himself!

Shock revelations have been revealed in The Badfort News today!

"In his closet, among his purple dressing gowns, there was hung on a clothes hanger a particular kind of belt which he used as a whip," writes Hitmouse the paper's fearless investigative reporter.

It appears that in his younger days the dictator of Homeward often slept on a bare floor so that he could practise self-denial and asceticism.

"It is clear the aspect of penitence was present in Uncle's life as he climbed the greasy pole upwards " declared Beaver Hateman in a news conference today. "It should be seen as part of the profound guilt he felt over his exploitation of the proletariat and his crushing of all opposition."

"Not such a saint after all!" smirked Hitmouse.