Monday, March 22, 2010

Snouts in the Trough

Our intrepid investigative reporter, Mister Hitmouse, has uncovered further evidence of the sleaze ridden state of the Badgertown Council.

Posing as a representative of a dwarf lobbying firm he secretly recorded former council ministers who were willing to use their access and influence with Uncle to lobby him - in return for cash.

Stephen Bears claimed that he had successfully lobbied Uncle to stump up some cash for tree houses for the ursine community. He offered himself as a "dancing bear for hire" with total access to the honeypot.

Geoff Hoot offered to lead delegations to Uncle. The senile old owl claimed that "I have been inside Uncle's inner sanctum - and even used his toilet!"

Uncle has dismissed the claims - "They are just trying to make themselves sound important - I have never met them and would certainly not allow them to call me Unc as had been suggested!"

Noddy Ninety, the incumbent Mayor, laughed at their stupidity in being taken in by Hitmouse. "He wore the same old false beard and glasses that he always wears undercover!" he smirked.

Asked to comment, on the antics at the Town Hall, Mister Beaver Hateman remarked "The wider issue here is the question of how it is that an unelected, non domicile, entrepreneur elephant wields so much influence over the affairs of Badgertown? He does not even pay taxes in Badgertown!"

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

King of the Badgers acts over 'secret' Uncle plan

The King of the Badgers has been forced to intervene to stop Uncle parachuting more of his own candidates into safe seats for the forthcoming Badgertown Council Election.

Today Beaver Hateman mounted a highly personal,and justified, attack on Uncle - claiming the King of the Badgers is once more in hock to the tyrant of Homeward.

The King of the Badgers retorted "It is true that I have recently borrowed a small amount from the esteemed and most charitable owner of Homeward, however, let me make it quite clear - Badgertown cannot be bought!"

Our great leader, Mister Hateman declared that Uncle's involvement in the election showed how the devious pachyderm was now calling the shots.

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Hoorah for Auntie! Down with Uncle!

Auntie's loss is our gain in the fight against Unc!

Here at Badfort we have managed to pick up a load of new presenters for BAD RADIO 6 MUSIC really cheap!

So desperate are these redundant ex-celebs for work that they have agreed to our terms - 5s 6d a shift plus all the Black Tom they can drink.

Of course, there is always one whinger in any group and that Jupitus is getting on my wick. First of all, he starts moaning about the staff uniform of sack cloth.

"Do we have to wear this? - I have delicate skin and it is terribly itchy!" he weeped.

"Listen mate, you don't hear Lauren complaining do you? we all wear sack cloth in Badfort - it show we is at one with the proletariat - right?" I told him in no uncertain terms.

Then he start moaning again "Does every other song have to be a protest song about Uncle?" he say.

"Look," I reply "You ain't at the bloomin' BBC now - where they let you play any old bloomin' stuff - what's our motto?"

"Down with Unc" he replied morosely.

"Too right, mate! - and put a bit more vim into it - your lucky you still got gainful employment, and don't you forget it!" I warned him.

I hope he not gonna turn out to be a trouble maker.