Monday, August 10, 2009

Uncle is a Tart!

Uncle was photographed last week as he holidayed at Owl Springs. He was riding a horse, climbing trees and fishing as well as swimming.

The pictures showed him trying to look soulful and caring. He was overheard to say “Do my arms look big in this ?” “Oh, yes Uncle.” replied the Old Monkey.

These images were clearly, once again, designed to boost the tyrant's macho image.

But do we really want to see the arch-boaster prancing about on holiday, displaying both his pasty white torso and such gross vanity?

Look at that pose. Look at the exposed flesh, the transparent obsession with his own image. The elephant is a tart.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Sordid past of Unc Revealed!

As many of you will be aware Unc has been exploring the inglorious antics of his ancestors for the popular television programme 'Who Do You Think You Are?".

We have managed to get hold of some material that he has put an embargo on the public seeing in this programme.

Firstly, despite his claims of humble beginnings, the photograph above shows him wearing a ridiculous top hat and lording it up with his fellow cronies at a top British public school.

The photo below is even more scandalous and one that both Unc and a Mister David Cameron have tried to keep hidden from public scrutiny.

It shows that Unc was, whilst at University, was, indeed, a member of the infamous Bullingdon Club a socially exclusive student dining club at Oxford University, infamous for its members' wealth and destructive binges. It should be noted Membership is by invitation only, and prohibitively expensive for most, given the need to pay for the uniform, dinners and damages.

We are presently engaged on getting information from the staff of certain restaurants that we expect to reveal the appalling behaviour of the tyrant elephant.

What, we ask, would the British public make of the fact that a possible future prime minister consorted with an elephant of such ill repute - a known bicycle thief?

Yes, we finally have proof. The picture below shows Unc eying up the said bicycle shortly before making off with it.

We have even managed to obtain the bicycle - squashed beyond repair. Our resident artist, Mister Jellytussle Esq, has turned it into a work of art that we intend to exhibit at the forthcoming Uncle Academy Show.