Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Unc's brother - violent past revealed

Baboon takes revenge on restaurant critic, Rudolph

We have uncovered extracts from the diary of Unc's brother Rudolph.

In recent years he has attempted to disguise the disgraceful incidents of his past, as a big-game hunter, with a new career as a restaurant critic and an expert in wilderness bushcraft and survival.

These extracts reveal his cruelty to musk-ox, wolves, grizzlies and in particular - ghosts.

"April 2nd. I am now in the celebrated Despair Valley. I have little hope of ever getting out. Over my head tower great cliffs of basalt. My last ration of dried musk-ox is lying at my feet...not scores, but hundreds of wolves are moving stealthily up. I string my crossbow. I have just one bolt left....I find that I have one small duck bomb, preserved from a previous visit to Homeward. I hurl the bomb at the laeder of the pack. It bursts and covers him with a yellow fluid which sends out a curious smell. He grows suspicious, and raps with his foot on the ground. It is the signal for retreat. The other wolves slink away. The leader of the pack tries to do so, but the glue-like fluid makes him a prisoner. Moving away from me are no less than nine hundred wolves. Scanty would have been my chance, if they had come on."

"April 19th. Shot three grizzlies before breakfast."

"April 20th. Cross Never-Never Creek which the Indians say is unfordable at this time of year"

"April 22nd. Anger of a ghost: I have shot so many things that I began to think that there was nothing else for me to shoot, but today I think I even frightened a ghost."

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