Sunday, March 8, 2009

Beaver's Guide to Twitting

The days are long gone when you and a few of your mates could take off to the fields and do a bit of twitting, on your own, with a few bottles of Black Tom.

The place is inundated with other twitters now (I blame that Stephen Fry) so I have produced this helpful guide for newbies.

But be warned twitting can lead to eye strain.

First off you will find the place is chock a block full of celebrities now. They all have a bit of space in the big tent and are surrounded by their followers - it can get a bit hectic.

Wossy has a large corner. If you want to grab his attention try jumping up and down a bit and banging on about comics, manga films or some such. Its not so crowded around his wife - shes mates with Unc but shes O.K. for royalty. But I have always been a bit suspicious of ferrets.

Glinner wrote some comedy about vicars on an island and he can be quite funny but it gets very fuggy around him cos he insists on smoking that damn pipe.

Of course, Stephen Fry got his own tent to himself, cos he got so many followers, but he often appearing and disappearing cos he is getting on now and has signal trouble - well you do get prostrate problems when you older.

Be warned, not all celebrities is real - some is just the proletariat wearing masks!

There is two Phil Jupitus, for instance (He's a mate and taught me the secret twits sign) but when we catch em, we dunk em in the water to see if they float or burn em at the stake. Sadly, this has led to some unfortunate incidents where real celebrities have been torched or drowned.

Sometime I see Unc wandering around being all high and mighty to his followers - so I usually stand at the back and shout obscenties at him.

Sometimes people will start following you - do not call the police. This is not unusual. But be careful sometime they just follow you cos they notice that you have got near some celeb and hope it make them all sparkly too.

People have even started following me around but that is because they kno that the revolution is coming and I will be the one to decide who is worthy.

Good luck Twitting, always keep your binoculars at hand in case you cannot get close!

Any advice feel free to DM me wotever that mean.

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