Saturday, March 15, 2008
Uncle on the Ropes!
Today, our intrepid reporter, Hitmouse has an exclusive interview with Beaver Hateman.
Our illustrious leader is presently incarcerated at the Badgertown penitentiary. He is on trial, as the proprietor of this newspaper, on a trumped up charge of criminal libel.
He spoke today from the bleak and inhumane prison cell he is being held in.
"Freedom of speech has been the issue from the beginning.The rich, the arrogant and the powerful have for centuries regarded the defamation laws as a convenient tool for silencing those impertinent enough to want to hold them to some account. The King of the Badgers has brought this case against me, but he is a mere puppet of the establishment - it is Uncle the tyrant who is pulling the strings. He wants to bring this paper to it's knees.
The favoured targets of The Badfort News are public figures noteworthy for one or more of the following characteristics: they are pompous, hypocritical, bullying, lacking in any ironical view of themselves.
We, as heroes of the revolution, shall stand up for the rights of the proletariat, whether they think that they need standing up for or not, because they need strong leaders. Cometh the hour, cometh the man. It is the duty of a free press to give the public information on matters of public interest, even if the matters later turn out to be false.
We are the antidote to the platitudes of The Homeward Gazette - We are there for people who don't always take a 100% positive view of everything.
As for this talk of magical dressing gowns - it is a nonsense, the usual fantasy peddled to ordinary folks desperate for some light of hope to illuminate the gloom of their humdrum and blighted existence working for the fat cat boss of Homeward.
Have no doubt - the jury will acquit me. Any other outcome would be a catastrophe for a free press. Long live the revolution! - now tell that guard that I am still waiting for my tea."