Hoorah for Auntie! Down with Uncle!

Auntie's loss is our gain in the fight against Unc!

Here at Badfort we have managed to pick up a load of new presenters for BAD RADIO 6 MUSIC really cheap!

So desperate are these redundant ex-celebs for work that they have agreed to our terms - 5s 6d a shift plus all the Black Tom they can drink.

Of course, there is always one whinger in any group and that Jupitus is getting on my wick. First of all, he starts moaning about the staff uniform of sack cloth.

"Do we have to wear this? - I have delicate skin and it is terribly itchy!" he weeped.

"Listen mate, you don't hear Lauren complaining do you? we all wear sack cloth in Badfort - it show we is at one with the proletariat - right?" I told him in no uncertain terms.

Then he start moaning again "Does every other song have to be a protest song about Uncle?" he say.

"Look," I reply "You ain't at the bloomin' BBC now - where they let you play any old bloomin' stuff - what's our motto?"

"Down with Unc" he replied morosely.

"Too right, mate! - and put a bit more vim into it - your lucky you still got gainful employment, and don't you forget it!" I warned him.

I hope he not gonna turn out to be a trouble maker.

Beaver Hateman calls for inquiry into Uncle bullying claims

Following revelations in the Badfort News, Beaver Hateman today called for an inquiry into allegations that Uncle bullied staff at his palace, Homeward - and kicked a dwarf!

"These are very serious matters." he stated "It has long been suspected that the Tyrant of Homeward is as autocratic in his home as he is with any dissent voiced by the proletariat of Homeward. I am sure that the Dwarf Protection League civil in some way will want to have some sort of inquiry to get to the bottom of what has happened here."

Revelations in yesterday's Badfort News decribe an incident when Uncle learnt that this newspaper planned to lead its front page with how he had bribed a judge to convict Beaver Hateman on libel charges, he was "incandescent", says a member of his inner circle.

From his suite at Homeward, he rang complaining to Hitmouse, the editor of the Badfort News. "It's a Badfort plot," he raged, trying to bludgeon them into pulling the story. "This won't be forgotten."

He was maddest of all with his own team. Uncle went berserk with Bob Dwarf, whose long friendship did not protect the diminutive chap from a ferocious blast of Uncle's temper. "How could you let them do this to me, Bob?" Uncle screamed at the shaking dwarf.

Then Uncle started yelling at the other aides present: "Just get out! Just get out of my throne room!" The Old Monkey became so alarmed that he felt compelled to come into the room to protect the unfortunate dwarf.

Bur he was too late - Unc had administered one of his trademark kicking up's!

Support the Beaver Hateman tax

Hope you is all enjoying the Badfort Olympics!

There has been a rush of support for this brill new tax wheeze I have come up wiff.

Of course, Unc don't like it cos he just bought the Badgertown Bank - the capitalist tyrant!

Register your support at our website.

***STOP PRESS***STOP PRESS***STOP PRESS***STOP PRESS***STOP PRESS***

Unc has hacked into our site and disabled all the buttons and everyfink!

Don't worry we won't let that him stifle us! we will soon have it running again and then we'll show him - in the maentime you can always donate to the cause...Postal orders and I.O.U's accepted.

Virtual Revolution!

We have decided that the best way to topple the tyrant Unc is to expose him via the interweb. Badileaks is a new site where his misdeeds will be exposed.

Where the ballot box has failed - becos he is a bloomin' dictator! - the internet will succeed!

Join us against the tyrant! - any information you may have about his tyrannous acts can be twitted to @badleaks.

Banned from Cheapman's!

Cheapman has caused a furore, here at Badfort, by banning shoppers in sackcloth nightdresses, saying it could 'cause offence or embarassment to other customers'.

This act has clearly been instigated by the tyrant Unc as another part of his vindictive campaign against the Badfort Crowd.

Beaver Hateman slammed the confused messages sent out by accusing Cheapman's Store of exercising double standards.

'Why is it OK for posh Unc, to go shopping in his purple dressing gown, but not for normal people like us?'

Cheapman defended the decision by saying "We do not have a strict dress code - but Unc, er, I mean, many of our prominent customers have complained at how unsightly and rough the attire of some shoppers is."

"I quite agree with Cheapman's decision - the dress sense of some of his shoppers is slovenly and rude!" declared Unc.

Hateman branded Cheapman "Snobbish. This is just pathetic and shows how stuck up some people and elephants can be."

Uncle regularly whipped himself!

Shock revelations have been revealed in The Badfort News today!

"In his closet, among his purple dressing gowns, there was hung on a clothes hanger a particular kind of belt which he used as a whip," writes Hitmouse the paper's fearless investigative reporter.

It appears that in his younger days the dictator of Homeward often slept on a bare floor so that he could practise self-denial and asceticism.

"It is clear the aspect of penitence was present in Uncle's life as he climbed the greasy pole upwards " declared Beaver Hateman in a news conference today. "It should be seen as part of the profound guilt he felt over his exploitation of the proletariat and his crushing of all opposition."

"Not such a saint after all!" smirked Hitmouse.

Rage Against Unc!

As you know, for many years Unc has held the Badgertown Singing Competition - as a means to control the music industry. Every year the winning artist releases an insipid song at Christmas that goes straight to Number 1 - lining the coffers of Unc's record company.

This year we have Joe Badger's awful rendition of "I'll be back in my burrow for Christmas!"

We at the Badfort Crowd urge you to support the Christmas Number One - 2009 campaign and buy our release instead - "Workin' in the name of" (the fat tyrant of Homeward).

Workin’ in the name of!
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses

Huh!

Workin’ in the name of!
Workin’ in the name of

And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
But now you do what Unc told ya
Well now you do what Unc told ya

Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!
Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!

Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Uggh!

Workin’ in the name of!
Workin’ in the name of

And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control (7 times)
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya!


Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!
Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!
Down with Unc!

Yeah! Down with Unc!

Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
'OribbleUnc!
Uggh!