Monday, April 13, 2009

No Frying Tonight

That tyrant Unc has got wind of our 'Scobfish' Lodge scam.

He has cut off all supplies of that delicious fish wot we was getting for nought.

We have no choice, therefore, but to reveal certain facts that we know about the arch-boaster of Homeward. Facts that the public need to know about their self-proclaimed leader and benefactor.

Firstly, it has come to light that he has an embarrassing medical condition; we have it on good authority that he has been diagnosed as being vastly obese.

Secondly we have information about certain financial irregularities regarding extortionate rents that have 'disappeared' from the far-flung corners of Homeward.

We challenge Unc to publish his full financial and medical records.

We also now have documentary evidence revealing his appalling behaviour.

Embarrassing photos have followed Uncle around throughout his career: posing in his Trunkingdon Club uniform at University, lying on the carpet at home in his louche dressing gown playing Uncopoly with his fellow pachyderms and squashing a stolen bicycle. But he knows that the most embarrassing photos from his past have yet to emerge.


No comments: