Holiday Snaps

So much for blackmailing the King of the Badgers with the information on the missing discs!

When we looked on the discs there were just folders named "Bill and Old Mankey's holiday" full of pictures of two dumb badgers playing golf and stuff!

I must admit that there was quite an amusing one of them in fancy dress taking the mickey out of the King and the Fat Tyrant!

Not a good day, though, we had to hand over all our loot from the fake pictures scam to get Jellytussle out of klink.

Motivational Speech

The gang needed a good talking to. They had utterly failed in the organisation of my prison break. The tunnel was a wash out. If it had not been for my fast thinking I would still be incarcerated.

We are supposed to be a dangerous revolutionary group who strike fear in the hearts of the establishment. We are supposed to be vicious and scary. We are supposed to rob the rich and give to the poor - well at least a percentage to them. Can't give em to much otherwise they would then be rich and we would have to rob it back off them.

Instead, everyone is laughing at us because that fat tyrant always seems to best us.

I told the gang that we needed a foolproof plan and if someone did not come up with something pronto the Black Tom was going to be rationed.

Hootman looked thoughtful. This better be good I told him.

Prison Break

The King of the Badgers imprisoned me on some trumped up charges. It happens to the best of us - Leon, Vlad, they all served their time.

I defiantly told the warder that I would not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered. I am not a number I am a free man and could they make breakfast 10 o'clock? because I get very irritable if I don't get a good nights sleep.

He was very obliging actually and I got a very nice cell with a lovely comfy chair and satellite telly.

I was quite sad to leave the place but as Hootman spent so much time on his ingenious plot to get me out I couldn't really disappoint him.

He came up with this marvelous plan to hide a map of the prison in an intricate tattoo on my belly. They have promised me it will wash off - so it looks like I will have to have my annual bath early.

It all worked perfectly until I walked into the Governors office instead of the laundry room where the entrance to the tunnel the gang had dug was supposed to be.

What I had forgotten was that by looking down at my belly I was looking at the map upside down. Luckily, Badgers are not too bright and I managed to convince the Governor I was a celebrity lookalike of myself who had got lost whilst on my way to the King of the Badgers party celebrating my capture.

He very kindly escorted me out of the prison - so I did not even have to scrabble my way through a horrible tunnel. This was just as well because they had got their directions all wrong and had ended up in the Guard dogs kennels. You should see the bite marks on Hitmouse's bottom.

Breaking the Bank at Las Vegas

Tried to persuade Diane Keaton to come and get hitched with me at Las Vegas. I showed her lots of pics of Badfort but she looked a bit aghast and started going on about how it was a filthy hovel - I have gone completely off her. She is just a bourgeois intellectual lacking in the moral fibre to suffer for the sake of the revolution.

Anyway we had a fab time in Vegas. I won first prize in an Elvis impersonator competition (after Hitmouse had nobbled the other contenders), then we used some of the skills we have learnt running our own Casino to fleece the gambling joints here.

Hitmouse knows just where to stick his skewers to make the slot machines pay out and then we used Hootman's special electronic box to win at roulette.

We had our plane standing by for a quick getaway - the mob don't take too kindly to being knocked over.

They better not try following us back to Badfort or they'll find out who's Boss.

Reds 2

Had a meeting in Hollywood, yesterday, with Warren Beatty. He wants to do a sequel to Reds about me and my struggle against the Tyrant of Homeward.

It will be a story of a revolutionary with dark brooding good looks (me), and the beautiful, but zany girl, who falls hopelessly in love with him (played by Diane Keaton).

When she saw me, Diane said that she would have to draw on all her acting skills to make the story believable. I know what she means - how could they find an actor as charismatic as me?

Luckily, they have found someone who has an astonishing resemblance to me to play my role.



After the meeting we decided to celebrate with a few tins of Black Tom up in the hills. We did a spot of carpentry while we were up there - tee hee!

Doctor Hateman

Tee Hee! - Blagged me way into the tyrant's sickbed pretending to be a doctor!

I put on a funny accent and spectacles and he never twigged.

Dosed him up on Gleamhound's Cold Cure - what we all know works backwards!

Ha, Revenge is sweet!

Find the Lady

We had a wizz idea yesterday. We decided to go to the observation roof at the Rockefeller Centre, and see if we could raise some funds from some greedy rich people.

They can never resist 'Find the Lady' or as it is otherwise known - the three-card Monte.

This is a classic short con in which the outside man pretends to conspire with the mark to cheat the inside man, while in fact conspiring with the inside man to cheat the mark.

We also hit on the idea of dressing up as the tyrant and his sidekick so he would have to take the heat.

All was going well until one of the punter's was a bit too sharp and picked the Queen - Hitmouse tried a Mexican turnover to exchange it with another card but he fumbled it and we was rumbled.

We made a dash for it - and who do you think we bumped into on the stairs - the arch boaster himself!

Like to see how he talked his way out of that one!