All in the public interest

That political mouthpiece of the arch dictator, Unc, The Homeward Gazette has printed a disgraceful slur on The Badfort News.

The article whinges about the techniques used by our intrepid investigative reporter,
Hitmouse, to uncover the corrupt shenanigans of Unc and his followers.

Only last month, he was dragged before the courts accused of hacking into mobile phone texts. He made an impassioned plea for the importance of our newspapers work in exposing matters of public interest.

Let us make it clear - The Badfort News has always insisted that it would not break the law and would use subterfuge only if essential in the public interest.

Judge Jeffreys passed a harsh sentence - one hour of community service. Hitmouse declared that he was prepared to suffer the indignity of this punishment - for the sake of journalistic freedom to pursue the truth!

Be assured - the fight goes on!

Salute to a great Socialist

A great socialist has died.

Here is a message from the old geezer who writes up my adventures.

My brother has died - he was more than a brother, he was my best friend. He was the biggest fan of this blog and I know it gave him a great deal of joy to read Uncle's and Beaver's latest misadventures. I loved him very much, and at the moment I cannot imagine being able to return to writing it.

I know, he would not have wanted it to stop and I hope that one day I might be able to start writing it again.

Boot'em out!

We thought robbery in our neighborhood was only carried out in a big way by the Magnate of Homeward.

Now we know that the councillors at Badgertown Town Hall are at it too.

Nobody objects to paying rates if they get value for money, but we at Badfort get no light, no road-mending, no drains and no edukashun.

Now, our intripid investigative reporter, Hitmouse, has revealed the truth of how the councillors is lining their pockets.

We at the Badfort News say boot out these fiddlers.

When Noddy Ninety, the incumbint mayor, said he was intensely relaxed about people being stinking rich I don't fink anyone thought he meant politicians!

When we at Badfort fell a bit short on being able to pay the money wot we borrowed they sent the bloomin' baliffs in did'nt they? - kicking in our door and trying to nick our stuff.

If it good enuff for us why isn't it good enuff for those crooks in the Town Hall?

We need a Council Election and anyone who has been on the fiddle should be barred from standing!

Our illustrous leader, Beaver Hateman is ready to step into the breach and bring back respect to the mayoral office. "My manifesto 'Fermenting Revolution' delivers an empowering message about how individuals can change the world through the simple act of having a pint of Black Tom. I propose that the King of the Badgers Palace been turned into a brewery!" he declared.

A new leader is needed in Badgertown. Somebody who will fight for your rights. Watch for him. He is coming SOON.

Two Gnashers Ninety!

The Badfort News today reveals the truth behind the extravagant expenses claims made by Noddy Ninety, the Mayor of Badgertown, and the fat cat councillors of Badgertown Town Hall.

Amongst his expenses he has included payment to his brother Neddy Ninety for 'cleaning services', the refurbishment of his car and caravan in a 'mock-tudor' style and two sets of false teeth.

Public funds have also been used to build a massive Garden Railway at his second home in Badgertown.

As usual, Uncle, in his blog, has attempted to divert attention from the crisis by making spurious claims against Mister Battersby - owner of the boutique hotel 'Skinner's'.

Mister Battersby is an illustrious citizen of Badfort, and has long made his hotel available at very affordable rates to councillors.

"After all," said Mister Battersby "One feels that one has a civic duty to provide a home from home for our hard working public servants."

Bafta Triumph!

I would just like to take the opportunity to fank BAFTA and all our viewers for the award wot you gave me.

As yo kno, we won the international ward for our 'Play for Today' strand on Badfort TV in particular for the play 'Down with Unc" ritten by myself.

A searing inditement of the fat tyrants despotic rool as seen from the perspective of a downtrodden exploited dwarf slaving away in one of his many mines.

Uncle - Claim Jumper!

Yesterday, the arch-tyrant Uncle carried out a vicious attack on the innocent silver prospectors of Badfort.

An expedition had set out from Badfort to investigate rumours of a rich seam of silver having been found in the desert plains of Goldfish Lodge.

Led by Beaver Hateman riding the Wooden-Legged Donkey, and Nailrod Hateman on his trusty goat, Toothie, these intrepid explorers were quietly going about their business - armed only with the simple tools of their trade. Clubs, Duck Bombs and Pick Axes. Prerequisites of harmless mining activity.

Suddenly, they were set upon by that selfish ruler of Homeward and his gang of mercenaries. He was accompanied by a troop of camels wade down with the fruits of Uncle's exploitation - piles of silver.

Not content with this vast wealth, he had garnered from the desert, the greedy elephant wished to prevent anyone else from staking a claim on the fortunes to be found there.

"I am the only one who will lay claim here!" he declared and administered a cruel kicking up to Mister Hateman crying "We'll have none of that 50% tax here in Homeward either!"

Mister Hateman promised that this attack on the poor people of Badfort would not go unpunished.

No Frying Tonight

That tyrant Unc has got wind of our 'Scobfish' Lodge scam.

He has cut off all supplies of that delicious fish wot we was getting for nought.

We have no choice, therefore, but to reveal certain facts that we know about the arch-boaster of Homeward. Facts that the public need to know about their self-proclaimed leader and benefactor.

Firstly, it has come to light that he has an embarrassing medical condition; we have it on good authority that he has been diagnosed as being vastly obese.

Secondly we have information about certain financial irregularities regarding extortionate rents that have 'disappeared' from the far-flung corners of Homeward.

We challenge Unc to publish his full financial and medical records.

We also now have documentary evidence revealing his appalling behaviour.

Embarrassing photos have followed Uncle around throughout his career: posing in his Trunkingdon Club uniform at University, lying on the carpet at home in his louche dressing gown playing Uncopoly with his fellow pachyderms and squashing a stolen bicycle. But he knows that the most embarrassing photos from his past have yet to emerge.

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