Banned from Cheapman's!

Cheapman has caused a furore, here at Badfort, by banning shoppers in sackcloth nightdresses, saying it could 'cause offence or embarassment to other customers'.

This act has clearly been instigated by the tyrant Unc as another part of his vindictive campaign against the Badfort Crowd.

Beaver Hateman slammed the confused messages sent out by accusing Cheapman's Store of exercising double standards.

'Why is it OK for posh Unc, to go shopping in his purple dressing gown, but not for normal people like us?'

Cheapman defended the decision by saying "We do not have a strict dress code - but Unc, er, I mean, many of our prominent customers have complained at how unsightly and rough the attire of some shoppers is."

"I quite agree with Cheapman's decision - the dress sense of some of his shoppers is slovenly and rude!" declared Unc.

Hateman branded Cheapman "Snobbish. This is just pathetic and shows how stuck up some people and elephants can be."

Uncle regularly whipped himself!

Shock revelations have been revealed in The Badfort News today!

"In his closet, among his purple dressing gowns, there was hung on a clothes hanger a particular kind of belt which he used as a whip," writes Hitmouse the paper's fearless investigative reporter.

It appears that in his younger days the dictator of Homeward often slept on a bare floor so that he could practise self-denial and asceticism.

"It is clear the aspect of penitence was present in Uncle's life as he climbed the greasy pole upwards " declared Beaver Hateman in a news conference today. "It should be seen as part of the profound guilt he felt over his exploitation of the proletariat and his crushing of all opposition."

"Not such a saint after all!" smirked Hitmouse.

Rage Against Unc!

As you know, for many years Unc has held the Badgertown Singing Competition - as a means to control the music industry. Every year the winning artist releases an insipid song at Christmas that goes straight to Number 1 - lining the coffers of Unc's record company.

This year we have Joe Badger's awful rendition of "I'll be back in my burrow for Christmas!"

We at the Badfort Crowd urge you to support the Christmas Number One - 2009 campaign and buy our release instead - "Workin' in the name of" (the fat tyrant of Homeward).

Workin’ in the name of!
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses

Huh!

Workin’ in the name of!
Workin’ in the name of

And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
But now you do what Unc told ya
Well now you do what Unc told ya

Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!
Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!

Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Some of those that work for Unc, are the same that get big bonuses
Uggh!

Workin’ in the name of!
Workin’ in the name of

And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control (7 times)
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya, now you're under control
And now you do what Unc told ya!


Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!
Those who sell out, for Unc’s dollar, traitors to the revolution!
Down with Unc!

Yeah! Down with Unc!

Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
Bloomin’ Unc, I won't do what you tell me
'OribbleUnc!
Uggh!

Andy 'Digger' Badger guilty of bullying

Extract from the 'Badfort News':

The former editor of the 'Homeward Gazette', Andy 'Digger' Badger, has been revealed to have led a culture of bullying at the newspaper.

Matt Badger, a sports reporter who was sacked while on long-term sick leave for burrow depression has been awarded a payout of £500 by an employment tribunal.

It is now apparent that Andy 'Digger' Badger wanted to "get shot" of him.

'Digger' earned his nickname for his tenacious desire to dig the dirt on Mister Hateman and his followers here at Badfort.

He was forced to resign from the 'Homeward Gazette' following the discovery that he had been tapping the phones of the Badfort Revolutionary Front.

We asked Mister Hateman for his opinion on the news:

"It comes as no surprise to me, after all, he worked for the bully bounder dictator of Homeward - Unc the Tyrant!. What should concern us all is the fact that 'Digger' is now the head of communications for Dave 'Smiley' Badger's campaign to be elected Mayor of Badgertown! What dirty tricks can we expect from this psychopath!"

The Ragged Sack-clothed Philanthropists

The Ragged Sack-clothed Philanthropists

An excerpt from an editorial by Hitmouse in The Badfort News.

We have had reports of an inflammatory speech by the King of the Badgers. As usual, Unc, the arch Boaster of Homeward, has been propping up the outmoded royalist regime of the ruler of Badgertown. He always has his hand out for dosh from the fat tyrant.

We asked Mister Hateman, leader of the Badfort Revolutionary Front for his comments:

"Here at Badfort, as you know, we are busy with our new projects for the people. The new Black Tom Distillery is nearing completion, The Scob Fish Smoking Factory is meeting the Five Year Plan and the People's Casino is raking it in!

This is the true nature of Philanthropy - we take from the workers and give back to the workers - more or less. So in our simple sack cloth garments we are the true philanthropists! Not that overbearing dictator sitting on his throne in Homeward.

Never fear, he will be defeated and from the ruins of the capitalist system will surely grow a glorious co-operative commonwealth, run by me - Citizen Hateman.

Free Black Tom for all! From the long night of drinking a light will shine throughout the happy world - the rays of the risen sun of socialism!

Don't worry! If it still all seems a little hazy some hair of the dog will do the trick!"

Rubbish Xmas Ad!

Look at this rubbish ad Cheapman has put on the telly for inflatable Unc's for Christmas!

The old tyrant will be furious!

Captain Revolution

My followers is always saying that I am a real superhero - so I fort I would have a costume made for me.

I am going to call myself Captain Revolution and as always I will fight for truth, justice and the proletarian revolution!

This is an artist mock-up of me standing in front of the skyscrapers of Homeward ready to do battle with Unc the capitalist tyrant!

What you fink? It make a nice change from sack cloth but it a bit tight on my bottom.

I am finking of getting either Dave Gibbons or best of all Leo Baxendale to draw my adventures!